Am I just wasting my time?
by Joe Normal
Summary: This is my first fic ever, so all I ask is for mercy if you think it sucks. Suggestions are welcomed and appreciated. Chapters 5 is up. Many thanks for the reviews! Sorry it took so long for those that care. Writer's block is a drag.
1. Prologue

Maybe I'd impress her  
  
By being in a band  
  
Maybe if I act real tough  
  
She'll let me hold her hand and  
  
Maybe I'll win her heart  
  
By writing this song about her  
  
Sometimes I sit at home  
  
And wonder if she's  
  
Sitting at home thinking of me  
  
And wondering if I'm  
  
Sitting at home thinking about her.  
  
Or am I just wasting my time?  
  
Clark read the lyrics from the Blink 182 song he had written down a couple of weeks ago after hearing them on the radio. It was a question he had lurking in his brain for a while, especially after the very near kiss he and Lana had shared. But since the Nicodemus incident, he had begun to doubt himself a little bit more with each passing moment. He couldn't be quite sure what it was that made him feel that way. The fact that things seemed to just turn back to normal between them was part of it, as if the kiss meant nothing in the end.  
  
The other part of it, the worse part of it, was that Clark would never be able to come to terms with his secret and still be with Lana. Clark was directly or indirectly, linked to her parents' death. How would he tell her something that? Everything would be lost, even her friendship.  
  
"Or am I just wasting my time?" Clark read the last line of the song. He pulled out a pencil and wrote the answer right under the question, 'Yes, you are'. The feeling of finally saying it to himself hurt, like a wave of pain had begun at the small of his back and crashed into his heart. He crumpled the piece of paper and tossed it towards a nearby garbage can. He missed as it fell just short of the receptacle.  
  
~ As always, I just missed. ~  
  
Clark looked over at his telescope, the lens focused squarely on the front porch of the house across the road from his.  
  
~ One last look, then never again. No really never. Better make it last ~  
  
Clark sat on his stool in his Fortress of Solitude, where else would he be on a weekday afternoon when his chores and homework were done? Another afternoon peering through his telescope at Lana Lang, who was in her usual fashion sitting on her porch reading a book.. There was nobody close to her in appearance, in personality, in anything. Lana was the epitome of everything Clark, no every guy, would want.  
  
~ That is why it is time to give it all up Kent. Too much competition, Whitney non-withstanding. Did you honestly think she would run to you of all people after their inevitable break up? ~  
  
There she sat. The "raven-haired beauty" of Smallville as so many had penned her. She deserved the title, of course. Clark had never been so entranced with anyone before he met Lana. He was positive he never would afterwards either.  
  
~ I'm doomed to stay in this town as a farmer by day, Smallville Freak Police Detective by night. ~  
  
Clark watched carefully as she turned the page over in her book. He looked at her fingers in particular, how soft they felt when she touched him after her rather wild show in the pool room post-Nicodemus flower exposure. The way they pulled him in carefully but forcefully in the same turn. The way she would use them to gently place her hair behind ear, exposing her neck. These little things Clark would never again get to touch and feel.  
  
~ I'm not going to look at her lips. Don't get me started on the lips. ~  
  
"Why don't you just tell me how you feel, Clark."  
  
He remembered those words, and the ones that followed them when she called him a coward.  
  
~ What would I have said even if she wasn't whacked out on Nicodemus spray? Gee Lana, Whitney is probably going to the pros and make tons of money. Why don't you pick me instead because I plan to follow my Dads footsteps and be financially destitute for the rest of my life? Yeah that would've been money. Speak of the devil…~  
  
Clark spied Whitney drive up in his pick up and get out. With each step he walked closer to Lana, Clark felt his heart dropping. Then he kissed her as she got up to greet him. The burn that coursed through Clark's chest was unbearable. In this interminable freshman year, he had managed to get shot, stabbed, electrocuted, crushed, and other stuff he had probably repressed. But those incidents paled in comparison to this pain.  
  
~ Oh well, it had to stop sometime. This was the most appropriate way. ~  
  
Clark withdrew from his telescope after pointing it upwards to the heavens. He looked down at the floor as he sat and sighed. The revelation he had after Lana had confronted him about his feelings was becoming more and more logical as he repeated it to himself.  
  
~ I'm not strong enough to get rejected and I'm not going to burden her with the responsibility of having to let me down easy. ~  
  
Tomorrow was Friday, a day of happiness for most teenagers. Clark knew that it would be the longest of his short life. Tomorrow he would be trying to not carry Lana in his head or his heart. Tomorrow he would actively admonish himself for thinking of her even in passing. Tomorrow he would avoid conversation with her at all costs, not to look at her even momentarily.  
  
~ I probably won't even be able to talk to Chloe or Pete either. They'll just bring her up inadvertently or she'll end up seeing us talk and want to join in. ~  
  
"Tomorrow is going to suck," Clark said aloud to himself as he rose from his seat and walked out of the Fortress of Solitude. 


	2. Chapter 1

Clark walked out of the farmhouse before his parents even arose for the day. He wasn't in the mood for breakfast, so he left a note on the kitchen table explaining that he wanted to get in early to finish a report for the Torch he had promised Chloe. It wasn't a total lie, Chloe did want the report today, but Clark had finished yesterday afternoon and wanted to leave it in the office for Chloe before she got in.  
  
Clark swung into The Beanery for a quick cup of coffee. The sleep he was supposed to have gotten last night consisted mostly of tossing and turning and painful thoughts of 'not' thinking about Lana, which Clark recognized was strangely similar to what it was like thinking about Lana before yesterday, only way more painful. As he was ordering a familiar voice crept up behind him.  
  
"Classic Kent work ethic, up at the crack of dawn," Lex remarked as Clark turned.  
  
"Hey Lex!" Clark said feigning some excitement to see his friend.  
  
~ Jesus, I totally forgot about Lex. But how was I supposed to avoid him anyway? He shows up when he wants to. ~  
  
"You look like hell, Clark. What are you doing up so early?" Lex inquired.  
  
"I could ask you the same question Lex, except for the looking like hell part that is." Clark wanted to make sure to qualify his response for his friend, Lex was dressed very sharply as always in his usual all black motif.  
  
"I have a meeting in Metropolis early and just stopped by to get an eye opener before the drive."  
  
"Cool," Clark responded looking for more words to add but failing miserably.  
  
"You sure you're alright Clark, you look concerned about something."  
  
"Nah, just y'know, teen angst stuff. It'll pass," Clark responded. ~ Not fast enough for me, though. ~  
  
"Does it have to do with La-"  
  
"No," Clark cut him off fast, Lex frowned in disbelief.  
  
"You're an awful liar Clark, it doesn't suit you."  
  
Clark just stood there silent. He was busted already, but Lex was gifted for exposing people's vulnerabilities. Clark simply could not defend himself even if he wanted to.  
  
"Alright, I'm not going to press the issue, but I'll be back from Metropolis this evening. Why don't you come over and we'll play some pool, get your mind off all things Ms. Lang for a while."  
  
Clark nodded to Lex as he picked up his coffee from the counter. "Alright Lex, I guess I'll talk to you later."  
  
"I'll call you when I get back in," Lex waved to Clark as the distressed teen left the coffee house.  
  
1 Later…  
  
It was the last class period of the day, and Clark had managed to escape having to interact with anybody that day. This was made remarkably easier by the fact that Chloe was absent from school, presumably ill from something non-meteor related he hoped. Pete was around today, but only in body as his latest romantic interest kept him away from Clark for most of the day. He spent lunch outside in the quad, where nobody he knew intimately would be likely to cross paths. Clark had managed to stay away from all the usual spots that he favored, including the bleachers, everyone seemed to know he might be there recently so he decided not to chance it.  
  
The real test was yet to come though.  
  
The last period of the day was Algebra, formerly one of his favorite classes because he shared it with Lana. Today he was not looking forward to it as much. In order to avoid the temptation of talking to her before class he slipped in to class moments before the bell rang. Clark had always lamented when the year began that the teacher had sat everybody in alphabetical order. That placed Lana right behind him.  
  
~ It sucks no matter the context. When I was happy to think about her, I was unable to look back and stare without the teacher busting me. Now I'm going to have to think of an ingenious way to avoid talking with her as we leave. Well I have an hour to plan it out. ~  
  
  
  
As he walked into the class he caught Lana out of the corner of his eye.  
  
~ Don't look Clark. Spare yourself this time. For the love of God don't look. ~  
  
He could tell Lana was giving her usual friendly smile at him, but he couldn't bear to meet her gaze as he turned his back and slid into the desk. He could still feel her stare, like her line of sight was burning a hole in his back. Clark was miserable, absolutely shot with anxiety.  
  
~ She won't even acknowledge that you didn't look back, Clark. She'll be dreaming of Whitney or worrying about the Talon in a matter of seconds. Shake it off. ~  
  
~ Clark is looking so beside himself. I wonder what's on his mind? ~  
  
Lana Lang couldn't believe her friend didn't even say hi as he walked into the class. In the years that she had known him, Clark was always happy to see her. The only one with such a brilliant track record, actually. And she appreciated the fact that even while she and everyone else in Smallville could be upset about something Clark carried himself with a perpetual optimism.  
  
That is why she began visiting him in the barn more regularly. She had to know how Clark could be so upbeat even when he is so alone. She still couldn't believe Clark had pushed her away that one almost kiss in the barn, still couldn't quite believe that he had done it to help Whitney, the same guy that had made him the infamous Scarecrow.  
  
~ I still can't believe Clark forgave him for that. I still haven't forgiven him for that. ~  
  
2 About an hour later…  
  
The class was winding down as every student in the class had managed to lock their sights on the clock waiting for the final minute to strike and the weekend to officially commence. Clark had the entire hour to figure out an escape plan that would successfully dodge Lana without it looking like he was running away in a panic. But he couldn't think of anything outside of making a very brisk exit from his desk and walking hurriedly out the door with urgency like he needed to use the restroom.  
  
~ Speed of a locomotive, brain of sloth. Go me. ~  
  
Clark watched the final minute of class die and grabbed his already packed book bag and headed for the door. As he passed the threshold of the door he heard what he hoped he wouldn't.  
  
"Clark," Lana had called to him as the other students swirled around and between them. Lana attempted to catch up to him, but hoped to get his attention by yelling instead. Clark's mind froze, although his body kept going. Not turning to recognize her, not looking back for fear of falling back on the same old habit.  
  
~ Ironic that I'm walking away from her this time. Not 'ha ha' ironic, unfortunately. Wish I could say this was some sort of victory. ~  
  
He exited the school building and continued to walk briskly home until he was clearly out of eyesight of anybody. Super speed took care of the rest as he found himself back in the Fortress of Solitude in a matter of seconds. His chores were done this morning, and he was in no mood to get his homework done.  
  
It was quiet in the loft, eerily quiet in fact. Clark looked around at what he might do to pass the time. There was his telescope pointing towards the sky.  
  
~ No. Too much temptation still. Besides she probably isn't home – stop it Clark. Stop thinking about her! ~  
  
"I've got to avoid this place for a while too I guess," Clark said to himself as he walked out of the loft and into the farmhouse. The house was quiet too, and Clark had noticed his Dad's pick up truck was gone. "Maybe they went to town to shop?" Clark reasoned as he dropped his bag on the counter and headed towards the fridge, which had a hastily prepared note hanging by a magnet on the door. Clark pulled it off and read it.  
  
Dear Clark,  
  
You're father and I went to Metropolis to talk with a loan agency and we will probably stay the night. The south fence needs to be fixed again, and the woodpile needs to be tossed in the chipper. Please don't do what you did last time you were next to it. We left money on the counter. Please no parties this time, we're begging you. We'll call you later with the number where we're staying.  
  
Love you,  
  
Mom  
  
"Great, now I can sulk in peace," Clark remarked as he turned the stereo on and slumped onto the couch. He was tired, emotionally at any rate. But it was enough at that point to make him close his eyes…and drift…  
  
Clark opened his eyes, slowly at first, but then quickly as he discovered Lana staring straight back at him. He was still sitting on the couch, and apparently she had joined him by straddling his waist and waiting for him to wake up. Her face was just inches away as she stared at him curiously.  
  
"It's about time you woke up," Lana said as a mischievous smile began to form on her face.  
  
"Lana…what…how…how did you get in?" Clark asked as he attempted to break from her stare. It didn't really make him feel less tense. Lana had managed to start the fire in the fireplace and light a few candles around the house while Clark had slept. The mood at least seemed romantic.  
  
~ What the hell is going on here? ~ Clark anxiously thought.  
  
"Does it really matter?" she replied as she drew her head closer to him, causing him to flinch and meet her gaze again.  
  
"I guess not but…"  
  
"Clark, do you like me?"  
  
"Uh…of course…I mean…you're a really good…friend," he conceded the last word. The dreaded 'friend' title.  
  
"No, not like that," Lana replied as she placed her hands on Clark's shoulders, "Do you think about me when I'm not around?"  
  
"I…can't…say…I can't answer that Lana," Clark looked away ashamed again.  
  
~ Please stop this. Please. ~  
  
"C'mon Clark. Why keep it bottled up any longer? You have to know that I wonder about it. Why else would I have asked you about it after the strip show that I gave you next to the pool?" she inquired as she moved her hands down from his shoulders and began unbuttoning his shirt.  
  
"Wait you told me you forgot about that…about everything," Clark was embarrassed, noticeably.  
  
"I may not have been able to control myself, but I definitely remember everything," she responded lustfully. "I remember the look on your face as I removed my clothes, the way you stammered at every question I asked, the way your lips felt as they pressed against mine filled with desire. I liked it so much in fact…" she stopped playing with his shirt and drew in closer. Clark began to shiver as her lips approached his.  
  
"Lana, I love-," Clark began to whisper until the phone rang, waking him up from his slumber. Frustrated he buried his head in his hands while the phone continued to ring. He finally got up and walked over to it.  
  
~ That was the best and the worst dream I've ever had. I'm doing so well not thinking about her. ~  
  
"Hello?" Clark answered the phone still rubbing his head as he attempted to join the waking again. It was still the afternoon, or what was left of it anyway.  
  
"Hi Clark, its Mom. We're you napping?" the sweet familiar voice came through the other end of the phone.  
  
"Hey Mom, yeah I was. Sorry it took me so long to get to the phone," Clark replied.  
  
"That's okay honey. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"  
  
"Yeah it was just a really long day. No big deal."  
  
"Okay, well you found the money on the counter right?"  
  
"Sure did."  
  
"Good your father and I are at the Metropolis Marriott in room 783."  
  
"Okay, I got it,"Clark answered as he wrote down the information.  
  
"We'll be back tomorrow around noon we think."  
  
"I'll be here when you get back," Clark said.  
  
~ Where else would I be? ~  
  
"Okay, love you."  
  
"Love you too, Mom."  
  
They exchanged good byes and Clark hung up the phone. He walked over to the fridge and looked around for something to drink. His afternoon dream left him sweaty and dehydrated. "I should've just done my chores if I wanted to stink myself up this bad."  
  
Clark discovered a soda can in the back if the fridge, hastily opened it, and downed it. After it was completely consumed he crushed it in his hand effortlessly and tossed it into the recycle bin. He removed his flannel shirt and went outside to the barn, picked up a toolbox and went down to the south fence that needed mending. Normally he would hyper-speed out there. But the lack of anything else to do for the night made him take his time. The wind had a bitter chill in it as he walked through the fields of the Kent Farm. The sun was just beginning to spiral downward. Normally he would be enjoying the sunset from the loft like he normally did. But that also dredged up memories of someone he was trying desperately no to think about.  
  
That same someone had just picked up the phone and attempted to call Clark. Lana was still worried about him, Clark was never so despondent before. She was used to the 'weight of the world' look he normally wore on his face. But today looked as though he had accidentally dropped that weight on the floor, watched it shatter and hoped nobody would know it was he that did it. She dialed the number, nervously. She didn't know why she felt nervous talking to Clark sometimes. It just felt like he was trying to hide something, something from her specifically. The tones rang and rang.  
  
~ C'mon Clark, I know you're there somewhere. ~  
  
The answering machine picked up, Lana briefly considered leaving a message, but didn't want to concern Clark's parents.  
  
~ I'll just go over there, maybe he's in his loft. I'd rather check on him face to face anyway. ~  
  
Lana pulled her coat off the coat rack and headed out the door. It was a brisk walk over to Clark's loft. As she approached she stepped quietly to hear if Clark was in fact up there. She heard nothing but silence. She walked up the creaky wooden steps only to find the usual – his telescope, his stool, his couch. She walked over to the telescope, and looked at it pensively.  
  
~ I shouldn't. If he fixed it at a certain spot for a reason I would hate to mess that up. ~  
  
The sound of hammering rang out in the distance. Lana could tell it was coming from somewhere on the Kent Farm. She looked out the barn window and scanned the premises, but to no avail.  
  
~ Screw it, he'll forgive me. ~  
  
She swung the telescope in the direction of the sound and sure enough there was Clark, busily hammering away at the gate in just a T-shirt and jeans. She was taken aback by how muscular he was.  
  
~ He sure goes out of his way to hide that physique. I can't imagine why. Girls would be falling all over themselves for a guy like that if he were just…I don't know…not so unsure of himself. ~  
  
Lana continued to stare at him through the lens, studying the contours of his face and body as raised a wooden beam with one arm. She was impressed to say the least, gently biting her bottom lip as she watched him labor.  
  
~ I really need to stop to staring. Whitney probably wouldn't appreciate this. I'll just sit and wait for him here. ~  
  
Lana made herself comfortable on the couch and looked around. The loft was comfortable, always. Even in the winter it managed to trap heat with the barn doors wide open. She totally understood why Clark was here most of the time. Part of her was envious that he had such a place. Lana wished to have something similar, but the cemetery was the closest thing to it, and that was just to morbid.  
  
Her eyes scanned the room and came across a crumpled piece of paper that just didn't get to the garbage can. Clark had never disposed of the lyrics to the song that reminded him of his adoration for Lana. Lana un- crumpled the paper and read the lyrics. It was definitely Clark's writing she thought as she read aloud:  
  
Maybe I'd impress her  
  
By being in a band  
  
Maybe if I act real tough  
  
She'll let me hold her hand and  
  
Maybe I'll win her heart  
  
By writing this song about her  
  
Sometimes I sit at home  
  
And wonder if she's  
  
Sitting at home thinking of me  
  
And wondering if I'm  
  
Sitting at home thinking about her.  
  
Or am I just wasting my time?  
  
Lana looked further down the note to see Clark's response. Her heart broke as he saw the hasty way he had scribbled the words – "Yes you are". Lana wasn't sure that it was her he was writing about. If she had found it a couple of weeks ago, she might have bet serious money that it was. But the way Clark had been acting lately, she couldn't be so confident in that theory.  
  
The hammering stopped and Lana got up off the couch to look through the telescope again. Clark had finished his chore and was walking back. Lana couldn't confront him after reading the note. She didn't quite know enough behind it to start asking questions, and Clark had no reason to confide in her something that personal. Lana quickly scampered down the stairs and sprinted towards her house. It wasn't until after she had rushed into her room and closed the door behind her that she had noticed that she still had the note in her hand.  
  
"Oops," Lana whispered to herself as she attempted to catch her breath. 


	3. Chapter 2

Clark walked into the barn to return the toolbox. He drew a breath as he sighed and suddenly paused. The air smelled really different. Something had disturbed the usual aroma of oil-ridden tools, hay, and the occasional barn animal business. This smell was sweet, almost like…  
  
"Hello?" Clark called out wondering if maybe a visitor was upstairs in the loft. He walked up the creaky steps into the loft but found nothing too out of the ordinary. Except for the fact that the telescope that had been pointing at the sky was now pointing out towards the field.  
  
~ Strange. Didn't feel that windy when I was outside. ~  
  
Clark walked over to the telescope and gently adjusted it back upwards. He caught the scent again and followed it towards the couch. The more he took in the more he knew who it reminded him of her.  
  
~ To hell with this. ~  
  
Clark got up and walked over to the farmhouse. He was going stir crazy. He didn't have a clue where he was going to go after he showered, as long is it was someplace that wouldn't bring him back to her.  
  
Lana's room…  
  
The one he shouldn't have been thinking about was sitting on her bed, feeling the last bit of anxiety-induced adrenaline leaving her body as she studied the note. The way he had meticulously written down the lyrics from the song, almost as if he was going to preserve it so he could read them over and over again. Then she looked down at his response, written so hastily and not even confined to the lines. She could almost feel Clark's pain conceding to the question, and answering it with such despair.  
  
~ It must have killed him just a little bit. What kind of girl could have made him feel this way? Why didn't he say anything to her? ~  
  
"Lana honey?" Nell's voice, muffled thorough the closed door, broke Lana out of her contemplative trance. Lana composed herself and got up to open the door. "Is anything wrong?"  
  
Lana thought about the note. ~ Not about me at any rate. ~  
  
"Nope, just went out for a jog," Lana responded cheerfully.  
  
"Oh okay, well if you wouldn't mind a couple of people have called in sick to work and I could really use an extra hand tonight at the Talon."  
  
"Uh sure, no problem," Lana accepted without much hesitation. This was too important to try and solve right away. She felt for Clark, but part of her was happy that she finally could help him with something rather than vice versa, which is what the situation had been more times than she could count this year.  
  
The Beanery…  
  
Clark walked into The Beanery after leaving Lex a message on his cell to find him there if he wasn't back at the house already. He was surprised to see Pete by himself in a booth in the corner. He walked over to say hello to his friend who was busy reading the sports section of the town paper.  
  
"Still looking for your name on the football roster?" Clark joked to get Pete's attention.  
  
"Don't let my calm posture fool you, I'm dying of laughter on the inside," Pete replied sarcastically but nonetheless happy to see his friend Clark.  
  
"I couldn't help it, sorry. You meeting somebody tonight?" Clark asked looking around curiously.  
  
"Yeah but she won't be around for another hour or so. Have a seat," Pete motioned for Clark to sit. "Sorry I missed you and Chloe today I was busy organizing said date for tonight."  
  
"Didn't miss much. I don't think Chloe was in today."  
  
"Must've been one of her mental health days. Got any plans for tonight?"  
  
~ What's the best way to answer this? 'You know it Pete. I'm playing pool with the guy you almost Wyatt Earped in his own study.' Nah, that doesn't work. Man how retardedly awkward would it be if Lex walks in here. That'll get my mind off of you know… her. ~  
  
"Nah, nothing really."  
  
"You sure? That took you a while to answer," Pete asked skeptically as he squinted his eyes towards Clark. "You're not going to do LanaCam in your loft tonight are you?"  
  
Clark looked downward at the table almost defeated. He knew Pete was only kidding, but the realization of how pathetic his behavior was before made the hairs on his neck stand on end. Fortunately only Pete and Chloe really knew about that. Pete was shocked that Clark took it so personally, that joke was pretty standard fare between the three of them.  
  
"Clark I was just kidding," Pete said remorsefully.  
  
~ I gotta let someone know about this. Chloe and Lex might knock me for one reason or another if I told them, but Pete will get it. Pete will understand. ~  
  
"No it's just…well I've decided to let the Lana thing go. At least to try to let it go anyway," Clark said immediately looking more upbeat.  
  
"Oh," Pete was clearly not ready for that answer as he raised his eyebrows in utter disbelief, "what brought that about?"  
  
~ You mean besides the fact she finds me as sexually intriguing as an older brother? ~  
  
"Well a lot of reasons. But you know most of them. Besides how bad would I look trying to steal her from Whitney while his Dad is in the hospital? It's time to…you know…move on," another wave of pain welled up in Clark's chest. Saying it in his mind hurt, saying it out loud hurt a bit more, saying it to someone else was really painful.  
  
"Geez…Clark, are you sure about this? I mean how do you plan on doing that?"  
  
"You know…try not to think about her as much, not go out of my way to talk to her, you know just stay out of her way I guess."  
  
Pete paused as he fidgeted with his coffee cup. "This isn't like one of my flash in the pan crushes that come and go day to day or week to week. This is Lana Lang." Clark nodded as he listened. "I'm not going to go over why you think she's the only girl in the world, but that is my whole point."  
  
~ Uh…you lost me. ~ Clark shot Pete a confused look.  
  
"Name one girl in the past year that you've stared at, say in a single day, longer than Lana."  
  
"Pssh, that's cake," Clark answered confidently as he leaned back in the booth and looked up at ceiling contemplating answers that he knew weren't going to come.  
  
"My date is going to be here in less than an hour now," Pete remarked as he checked his watch, "think you might be able to pull at least one answer out of your ass before she gets here?"  
  
"Funny, that's really…funny," Clark trailed off looking defeated again.  
  
"Well my point is that as far as you're concerned, girls don't exist outside of your tunnel vision for Lana and that is not a feeling that just goes away on some whim."  
  
Clark nodded in agreement. He knew Pete was right, today's struggle just to not look at her was testament to that fact. He knew a different plan would be needed to get over her. "So what should I do?"  
  
"I'm not sure about that. But what you shouldn't do is cut her off completely. I mean that's penalizing her and she technically hasn't done anything wrong." Clark nodded in agreement again. "And don't try to stop thinking about her, your head will explode." Clark and Pete shared a light laugh and a short silence.  
  
"Thanks Pete, I really appreciate the talk," Clark said as he got up from his seat.  
  
"Anytime Clark. Wish me luck on my date?"  
  
"I think I need it more than you tonight Pete, you've mentioned your date twice but never bothered to say her name. I don't suppose you actually know what it is?"  
  
"Sure it's…uh…" Pete looked pensive as he rapped his fingers against the table.  
  
"She's going to be here in less than an hour, think you can pull it out of your ass before then," Clark said as he shot Pete a sarcastic smile.  
  
"Touché," Pete smiled back as Clark waved goodbye and exited The Beanery.  
  
Clark walked down the Smallville Strip, the quaint center of town that any urban dweller would find to be almost a miniature version of home. The conversation with Pete helped immensely, and even though he was still uncertain as to what to do about his feelings for Lana, Clark knew that isolating himself from her was probably not the way to go about it. As he approached The Talon that sixth sense that told him Lana was around began to well up in his stomach.  
  
~ Pete told me it was okay, so I have permission to stare if I want, well not stare but…whatever. ~  
  
Clark looked in to The Talon from the outside window. The place looked pretty vacant for a Friday, but it was still pretty early, with the sun barely escaping over the horizon. He looked around the main table area and followed it towards the bar. His heart leapt as he took sight of her for the first time in what seemed like ages. It was the same feeling he's always had when she came into view, made a little more intense by all of today's suspense. She was at the bar with her back turned towards Clark reading something he couldn't identify immediately.  
  
She turned slightly in her barstool, not enough to see Clark standing on the opposite side of the window, but just enough for Clark to see what literary masterpiece had her attention at that moment. Clark zoomed in with his heightened vision to see a crumpled piece of paper. A feeling of impending dread began to creep up his spine as he read one little line from it.  
  
Or am I just wasting my time?  
  
~ How the hell did she get that? ~  
  
Just then Clark remembered walking back into the barn after he mended the fence. The telescope being out of place, the scent he caught that he swore belonged to her.  
  
~ Was she was in the loft while I was fixing the fence? I thought I was just crazy when I thought I smelled her… ~  
  
Clark snapped out of his moment of contemplation to see Lana still sitting at the bar only facing him this time, with a full on stare at Clark. The brief relief Clark had felt turned into limitless embarrassment. Lana felt her note bearing hand tremble as her attempt at researching her friend's problem looked more like a gross invasion of privacy given Clark's expression. Everything went silent for a moment as they just looked at each other, both realizing the same thought…  
  
~ I am so busted. ~  
  
Clark stepped away from the window, not breaking eye contact with Lana until he turned to run down the street. He had to restrain himself from breaking out the super speed that could have bailed him out of this awkward situation much sooner, but there was too many people around, a rare occurrence in the town of Smallville. Lana jumped from her seat from behind the bar, taking care to place the paper in her pocket before she pursued Clark. Even without the super speed he had managed to get gone from Lana's eyesight as she walked out of The Talon looking for him. Frustrated she looked down the street in the direction Clark retreated, folded her arms, and walked back inside The Talon. 


	4. Chapter 3

Lex Luthor walked into The Talon looking somewhat annoyed as he held his cell phone up to his ear. Clark wasn't at The Beanery as he said he would be, and Lex wasn't able to reach him at home after a couple of tries on his cell. Since The Talon was only a short distance away, Lex theorized that he may have stopped in to 'visit' Lana.  
  
~ 'Visit' being defined as 'stare and stammer until he brings up her boyfriend to end the obvious tension.' ~  
  
The first thing Lex noticed was how seemingly dead the place was compared to The Beanery. It was the business instinct in him, a lesson drilled into him by his father. But he wasn't going to question the lack of business The Talon was generating at the present moment, Clark was the mission. And the best way to find Clark was Lana Lang.  
  
~ Speaking of which… ~  
  
Lex spied Lana still tending the rather vacant bar. Although she was at present tending to the same piece of paper she had accidentally stolen from Clark's barn just that afternoon. Lex walked over to the bar casually and stood just on the opposite side waiting for Lana to notice his presence, but to no avail.  
  
"Must be quite a piece of story to demand all of your attention," Lex pointed as Lana gasped in startled shock dropping the paper on the opposite side of the bar. The now worn piece of paper fell lifelessly to the floor next to Lex's feet. Lana could feel her heart pounding in her head. She wasn't sure what made her more nervous, the fact that Lex caught her completely by surprise or that he would think she wrote the sappy verse on the paper.  
  
~ Duh Lana, I hope Lex wouldn't assume that I wrote it since it involves another girl. ~  
  
Lex picked the piece of paper up and took a moment to read the lyrics before he passed the sheet back to her. He offered the sheet back to Lana, who had an intense look of guilt on her face as she accepted it back from him.  
  
"Sorry, it's been slow around here. Can I get you anything?" she asked cheerfully as she folded the piece of paper and placed it in her back pocket.  
  
"That's a rather depressing piece to be coming from the, I'm assuming, still boyfriend. Is that a secret admirer communiqué?" Lex asked cocking an inquisitive eyebrow at Lana.  
  
"The admired is the secret part, I know who the admirer is," Lana answered as Lex maintained his look of curiosity.  
  
"Typical Smallville reverse fate. Care to tell me more?" Lex inquired as he sat on one of the stools at the bar.  
  
Lana hesitated. If this had involved anybody but Clark, she would mention it and Lex wouldn't think twice about intervening. But it did involve Clark, and she was sure that anything she disclosed might immediately get back to him. Still she worried about him, and Lex could probably give some insight as to who might be making Clark so inadvertently miserable.  
  
"Maybe, but you have to swear to me details of this conversation do not go beyond you and me," Lana said imperatively towards Lex.  
  
"So this has to do with Clark then?" Lex inferred smiling as Lana sighed, conceding the point. Lana put her hand out to shake on the non-disclosure type of agreement. Lex graciously shook her hand. "So tell me what's going on?"  
  
"Well, really it all happened today. Clark was…distant…and very depressed looking all day. Especially in our last class of the day, he wouldn't even so much as look at me or say hi," Lana expositioned.  
  
"Not exactly a cry for help Lana, he could have just been having a bad day," Lex reacted cooly.  
  
"There's more. I went over to his house to see if he wanted to talk, nobody not even the parents were around. I checked his loft and saw him working out in the field. That's when I noticed this. I read it, freaked out, and ran out of there before he came back," she pulled out the paper from her back pocket and to clarify and quickly pocketed it again.  
  
~ Still not earth shattering enough. I think she's trying to make this a bigger deal than it really is. ~  
  
Lana waited for Lex to react. She was hoping to get information without revealing the last really awkward part of the story which has her invading Clark's privacy.  
  
"So then, I'm sitting here reading the story not more than ten minutes ago, when Clark sees me reading said paper and bolted down the street. Try as I did to catch up to him, he was well gone by the time I even made it out the door," she concluded the story.  
  
  
  
~ Okay that is a little more panicky description of Clark than I'm used to hearing. ~  
  
"Has Clark ever…you know…talked about somebody as more than a friend?"  
  
Lex smiled deviously again. "C'mon Lana, what makes you think Clark and I don't have a similar understanding to keep conversations like this in confidence." Lana looked miffed that he wouldn't yield the information, but she understood all the same.  
  
~ 'Boy's Code of the Schoolyard' strikes again. ~  
  
"Could you at least talk to him for me? Make sure he's okay?" she asked him with intense concern.  
  
"I'm supposed to see him tonight, but I'm not going to pry about it. He'll tell me if he feels so inclined," Lex said as he got up from his seat and began to walk out. Lana nodded silently as she watched him go. Lex turned and looked at her. "Try not to worry, Lana," he said indifferently, "almost every guy has a bout of unrequited love in high school."  
  
"Almost every guy?" Lana squinted her eyes skeptically thinking Lex may have been referring to himself as the almost exception.  
  
"Well, let's just say I doubt Whitney has ever had this problem," Lex finished as he flashed Lana a short smile and exited The Talon. 


	5. Chapter 4

Clark super sped back to the Kent Farm. His sad, depressing day had morphed into an anxiety-ridden night. He couldn't fathom how his luck had gotten so much worse in the past couple of hours, and he certainly didn't think things would wrap up nicely like they always seem to in these potentially dire circumstances. This wasn't some crazed meteor rock poisoned villain that he was facing…  
  
~ This is way worse than that. Well it can't get much worse. ~ Clark reasoned to himself as he trudged up the creaky steps toward the loft. As soon as he reached the top of the flight of stairs, he noticed Chloe sitting on the coach, presumably waiting for him.  
  
~ Way to jinx yourself, Clark. When the hell will I stop saying crap like that?!? ~  
  
"Hey…Chloe, I thought you were sick today?" Clark asked as Chloe got up from the couch and walked towards where Clark was standing.  
  
"I had a doctor's appointment today. So I was gone for the first part of the day," she smiled somewhat nervously as she made eye contact with him. Clark never understood why she did that, they had known each other for almost their whole lives. But lately she was acting really weird around him, as if she was hiding something from him.  
  
~ Yeah Kent, you've been totally forthcoming with Chloe. Moron. ~  
  
"So, not that I'm complaining but…what brings you by?" Clark asked as he stepped around her and fell onto the couch.  
  
"Just wanted to know what you were doing tonight. Figured you might be around but I noticed your parents seemed to have fled the nest as well," Chloe answered as she coyly walked over to the coach and joined him in a seat.  
  
"Yeah, they went to Metropolis on some business. You haven't been waiting long have you?" Clark hoped he hadn't inconvenienced her.  
  
"No way," Chloe shook her head animatedly, "like five minutes, if that." She was lying, Clark would normally call her on it, but he was oblivious this time. A short pause followed as Clark nodded to Chloe's response.  
  
~ Okay it was more like an hour or so. ~  
  
"So," Chloe broke the short silence, "no parties this time?"  
  
"No," Clark laughed at the question, "you remember what happened last time, besides I've gotten in enough trouble today." Clark listened to what he had just said, and immediately wished he could take it back. He looked over at Chloe who had her notorious 'tell me everything' face.  
  
~ Do you ever shut up Clark? As long as I'm meeting Lex tonight, I might as well tell him what really happened when I fished him out of the river or how I caused his premature male pattern baldness. In fact, why not just tell Chloe how the entire 'Wall of Weird' relates to 'Clark Kent's Wild Space Ride'? ~  
  
"Really? What has the most innocent man on the planet done to possibly get in trouble."  
  
"Really it's nothing," Clark replied as he leaned forward on the coach, resting his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands and looking down at the floor.  
  
"Forgive me for not believing you or your severely lacking poker face, Clark Kent."  
  
Clark looked over at her with a pained expression. He didn't want to mope about Lana to anyone anymore, but Chloe was certainly the last person on earth he wanted to vent this too. She didn't hate Lana, but she certainly had friction with her that she would never elaborate on.  
  
~ Well she did have a reason when Lana fell backwards into the chief editor spot after Kwan took it away from her. That was kind of justifiable. ~  
  
"This has Lana Lang written all over it," Chloe sighed as she looked back at Clark.  
  
~ I hate this conversation already. What the hell, if I don't spill Pete probably will anyway. ~  
  
"I've given up on her Chloe," Clark answered back quickly.  
  
Chloe's expression reeled and a long uncomfortable pause followed. Her eyes widened and her mouth stood agape as she took a sharp intake of air. Clark waited for her to say something, anything to break the silence. He had assumed she would make some cheerleading reference such as 'quitting the pom-pom squad', right now he would welcome some tension breaking sarcasm. But he couldn't possibly know what she was internalizing.  
  
~ Don't smile, Chloe, don't do it. He is not happy about giving up, he's just giving up. It's about time he stopped pining for her. She doesn't like him like that, she doesn't see him the way… ~  
  
"Okay, c'mon, I know you're dying to say something Chloe. Can you please just say it?" Clark interrupted her pensiveness.  
  
"How do you just give up?" Chloe asked in almost a concerned half-whisper.  
  
~ I haven't been able to give up on you, even though at times I wish I could. ~  
  
Clark looked back down at the floor as he pondered his answer.  
  
"I just got tired of playing this 'someday' attitude, when I know I'm never going to make a move and confess anything to her. It's not fair to either of us…you know? It's like I'm expecting her to just magically feel a different way about me, if that were the case it would have probably happened by now. I mean…don't you think…after everything that has happened over the past few months?" Clark looked at Chloe. She looked flushed, her face a couple of shades redder than normal and her eyes watery as if on the verge of crying.  
  
"Chloe?" Clark became concerned as he turned in his seat to face her.  
  
~ Please, please tell me that's allergies. How could I have possibly said something stupid just now? It was just about me moping over Lana. It doesn't relate to her…~ 


	6. Chapter 5

Clark sat nervously watching Chloe attempt to compose herself. She wasn't going to break down in front of him, not like this. Although she wanted to tell Clark how she felt more than anything in the world, she didn't want to guilt him into loving her back, and she certainly didn't want pity. Chloe was stronger than that. Someday she wanted to show him how strong she was, when and if he would give her just that one chance.  
  
"Chloe…is everything…I mean was it something I said?" Clark's saddened voice broke Chloe's pep thoughts. She looked at him as a broken smile formed on her face. She reached over to touch his cheek lightly and then run her hand through his dark hair before moving down his back.  
  
"I just didn't know you…felt so strongly…for Lana…I always just wrote it off as a simple crush," Chloe half-whispered again as she and Clark shared an understanding gaze.  
  
"I don't know about 'simple'," Clark responded smiling. "I mean I had the mojo-flower induced pool incident, that didn't make things easier."  
  
"It must've been tough to push her away like that," Chloe inferred aloud.  
  
"You would think so right? But as tempting as the whole thing might seem it was a little too fast for me, and I was trying to avoid getting detention, which for all my moral high-grounding, I got anyway," Clark smiled in joking defeat as Chloe laughed.  
  
"But you're right about one thing, it was a crush," Clark confirmed seriously, "a one-dimensional unrequited crush."  
  
Clark got up from the couch and removed the darts from the dartboard and began throwing them back into it, presumably to get his mind off his last statement. Admitting it still hurt, as much as the first time he did it. Clark remembered Pete saying it would take time, but how long was what he wanted to know.  
  
"They won't all be like that Clark," Chloe said reassuringly.  
  
Clark stopped throwing darts for a moment and met Chloe's eyes. He wanted to believe that was true. The way she said it full of sincerity and hope. But every time he just started to believe in that idea, the vision of his spaceship sitting in the storm cellar would shatter the already fragile hope he had of being accepted, of being loved.  
  
~ I can't be loved, for what I am…what I've done. ~  
  
"What are you thinking?" Chloe asked curiously.  
  
Clark shook his head to escape his thoughts. "Some people are meant to be alone."  
  
"You think you're one of those people?" Chloe asked raising her eyebrows.  
  
"The money I'm willing to bet on it would solve all of my parents' financial problems," Clark joked as he resumed throwing darts at the board. As he threw the last one Chloe got off the coach and approached him slowly, standing much closer than he was used to. She looked up at him and placed her hands on his shoulders.  
  
"I hope that's not true Clark, I really do. Because if Clark Kent isn't meant to be with somebody, anybody, then there is absolutely no hope for any of us," she said sincerely, but seriously, as he met her gaze. Chloe's bottom lip was trembling slightly, she was really nervous standing this close to him and hoping her body language wouldn't betray her true feelings for him. She ran her left hand up through his hair, drew in closer, and kissed him on the cheek. She held it there for a while drawing in his scent and feeling him breathe.  
  
"I'll talk to you tomorrow?" Chloe asked as she withdrew smiling.  
  
Clark hesitated, a little unhinged from Chloe's gesture. "Sure, are you alright getting back home?"  
  
Chloe didn't answer right away, but simply held up her car keys confidently. "I promise not to stop for any meteor rock mutants."  
  
"Wise plan," Clark nodded his head smiling. He watched Chloe leave and sighed. Just as he was going to walk away another pair of headlights began pulling up to the Kent Farm. It was a pretty sweet ride, although he didn't immediately recognize the model, it could only be Lex.  
  
The Talon…  
  
"I think we should break up," Whitney said to a stunned Lana who had just finished cleaning up The Talon. She wasn't expecting this conversation tonight, certainly not like this. She stood there, eyes widened and waiting for an explanation. Whitney took her hand and lead her to a couch.  
  
"I haven't been fair to you lately Lana," Whitney began to explain. "I'm at this point where I just can't fit being a boyfriend into everything else that needs to get done," Whitney looked as Lana still trembled at the idea that she and Whitney were no longer going to be a couple. It wasn't the rumors that would surround it and it wasn't necessarily the fact that he would be on the market again and that he would be pursued by other girls.  
  
~ I don't know if I'm strong enough to be on my own yet. ~  
  
"I've got the store, part time nurse duty with Dad, football, and then somehow squeeze schoolwork into all of that. All the time feeling guilty that I'm not doing enough to make you happy," Whitney explained as he looked at Lana who had her eyes closed and was nodding as if to agree.  
  
Whitney squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I want you to go out and make your own happiness, Lana. My life, the way it is now, is just going to drag you down," he said as he wiped a tear away from her face with his other hand.  
  
"Just don't walk away from me completely, Whitney," she whispered as he wrapped his arms around her. She had felt safe in those arms so many times, and she wouldn't have them around as often anymore. Her heart sank at the prospect of that, almost as if she had taken it for granted all that time.  
  
She feigned a smile as they withdrew from the hug, trying to show that she could take it, that she would live on.  
  
She wasn't so sure that was true. 


End file.
